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A Carers Thought's

right from the start, you were a thief, you stole my heart

Does anybody else get sick to death of saying this when in reality all you want to do is scream at the top of your lungs “NO I’M NOT OKAY, I’M KNACKERED, I HAVE A TO DO LIST LONGER THAN MY ARM, I AM WORKING THE EQUIVALENT OF TWO FULLTIME JOBS, I NEVER HAVE TIME/MONEY FOR MYSELF ANYMORE, I BARELY EVEN THINK ABOUT MYSELF ANYMORE, NONE OF YOU UNDERSTAND OR CONSIDER THE IMPACT THAT CARING HAS ON MY LIFE AND ON TOP OF ALL OF THIS I HAVE TO LISTEN YOUR BULLSHIT MOANING ABOUT COMPLETELY UNIMPORTANT THINGS”
But instead I contain myself, simply think these things and say “yea I’m fine thanks how are you”.
I wonder how much longer I will put the brave face on, how much longer till I finally snap and scream this into some poor unsuspecting persons face?!
The real trouble with somebody asking how you are is that few people genuinely care about the response. Contrary to what you may believe after reading my other posts(!), I hate moaning in real life, I hate showing any sign of weakness or that I am not coping. I genuinely find it hard to talk about the reality of my life particularly in work, I am probably shooting myself in the foot with this as maybe they would be more considerate and understanding if I opened up a bit more.
At the same time, I don’t want to be one of those people who is always moaning, ultimately, I don’t think I need to worry about this as much as I do, because genuinely, I don’t think my colleagues care or will ever truly get it.
When I almost cut my shifts to 4 instead of 5 last year, one of my fellow managers asked me why, I told him that it was to allow me to care for Si better, he huffed and said he wished he didn’t have to work so much.
Nobody would say these things to a mother or father and its basically a similar situation but no one would ever question their right to work less or ask why. This exchange demonstrated the sheer lack of understanding/compassion on their side.
Wow, I had more to say on this than I thought! Sorry for rambling on and please do comment, good or bad!
Thanks for reading,
Take care

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