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A Carers Thought's

right from the start, you were a thief, you stole my heart

Painting On Scars

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Really, With the Gay Jokes?” “The Rape-Joke Double Standard.” “Has The Onion Gotten Too Mean?” These are the headlines to just a few of the several articles appearing this week about comedians and conscience. All of them make excellent points, but the problem with trying to explain why a joke is offensive is that it instantly kills the mood. Culture critics aren’t professional comedians and thus they almost always end up being viewed as the more uptight of the two, even if their arguments are rock-solid.

And yet, the best comedians are pretty good culture critics, as Dara Ó Briain proved years ago at the Theatre Royal in London. Amidst his cracks about the idiots who ask you to remove your shoes in their home, the idiots who confuse astronomy and astrology, and the idiots who think the…

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So we had the tribunal on the 3rd of May and we won thank goodness! It was terrifying and the most stress we have both been under in ages but it was over very quickly. We went in and there was a doctor and a lady who I think was the main decision maker, the doctor asked si questions about his mobility for about 5 minutes, the lady then asked a couple of questions and then she told us that they were ready to give us a decision there and then which was a relief as when we arrived, the clerk told us they were running behind and we wouldn’t be told on the day. We stepped out for less than a minute and we were called back in. Si burst out crying as soon as they told us, I can’t even describe how relieved I was. They have also recommended that he is not assessed again for 2 years which is brilliant, I’m not sure that ATOS will pay much attention to this but we have been told that by showing our paper that says he won, this will override any other decisions within this time frame.
We are now due a back payment of around £3500,we will pay off our debts and then we are hoping to get a rescue dog with what’s left over, the extra money will be so helpful and will allow us to get things we need without having to forfeit something else.
It finally feels like things are coming together and I hope life will be a bit easier now, all I can say to finish this post is phew! Thank fuck it’s over!

So last night I should have been seeing p!nk, unfortunately she cancelled due to an inner ear and respiratory infection, as you can imagine I was gutted, we don’t know when but they have said she will reschedule. I was so excited to go out with si and to be doing something out of the ordinary, it is unusual nowadays for us to go out if it doesn’t involve an appointment for him, shopping or seeing family, so I was mega excited to be doing this. I really hope she will set another date, it’s not even just about the money, I really want to see her and want si to see her.
After that crushing disappointment, we had dentist checkups this morning and I found out I needed two fillings, they got me in today and get had it done but my mouth is so sore, the anaesthetic lasted for hours as well but now it’s pure killing me, I’m not used to pain and don’t handle it well at all!
So as you can see it’s been a brilliant start to my second week off work lol but hey things can only get better right?!

So true


As we all know, politicians and the media can’t shut up about how the unemployed are lazy scroungers or, recently, even child-killers (as alleged by George Osborne and the Daily Mail) just because Mick Philpott happened to be unemployed. But jobseekers are the ones who are working for free  doing workfares up and down the country. Big companies like ASDA, Superdrug and Homebase are profiting from free labour. The unemployed are helping millionaire shareholders get even richer while they provide labour without earning a penny. And if they don’t find work within a couple of months, they’ll be forced to do it all over again.

So why aren’t the unemployed being praised and admired as the backbone of our society? If it wasn’t for their free labour, local businesses might have to close down and so might some charities like the Sue Ryder Foundation which previously used workfare and YMCA…

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So we received the date for si’s tribunal recently and it’s on the 3rd of May. We weren’t expecting it to be so soon, as well as this we had a new ESA50 form to complete and we both had our birthdays this week. I tried to make sure he had a great birthday and tried to take his mind off everything we had to do, unbelievably he got a letter from atos on his birthday reminding us that the form needed returning soon. I think I was mostly successful apart from this! After this though, we have had to knuckle down and make sure we have sent all the evidence we can for the tribunal, make sure there is nothing we have missed and complete that damn form.
Si has been having a lot of trouble with his hands since using the crutches full time and he was also in a lot of pain the day we chose to do it so he was on morphine, because of this, I completed the form for him. It always strikes me how much the questions are there to trip you up, they are so vague and could be interpreted anyway you like. The best example of this is the lifting questions, can you lift a light empty cardboard box? First of all why would you ever need to, where are you lifting it from, where do you have to put it after lifting? This is how easy it is to get a life of luxury on benefits (big LOL at anyone who believes that crap by the way).
So anyway we got that sent off (recorded obviously, after we had made a copy as we always do now), and a lot of the evidence we sent with that is the same as for the tribunal and I realised it looks like so little to describe what an impact this has on our lives. It’s crazy that those pieces of paper will decide whether someone believes us or not. That is how I am looking at this tribunal, it’s them finally believing us or saying no you’re a lying scrounger. I don’t know how Si will cope if he does lose and the closer it gets, the more of a possibility that feels. I was so confident a while ago especially when we saw the wonderful lady at the cab and even though I know there’s no way he could ever work, and I know that he is absolutely in the wrong group, I have less and less confidence that they will agree. I am very active in disability rights on twitter and see so many appalling stories that I have no faith in the system anymore.
Every time I think about the tribunal, I get a knot in my stomach and feel sick, I’m so worried about it and am keeping myself busy to avoid thinking of it. I’m so nervous in case I have to speak or anything. If anybody reading has been through this, please give me some advice on what to expect.
As well as this, my dad is still drinking, not that I expected anything else, and he collapsed again last week when taking my sister to hospital. Every time he goes to hospital for someone else, he collapses it must be some sort of anxiety, my sister told me that he has begun taking a glass of cider to bed with him ready to drink when he wakes up. This feels like a new level of alcoholism and really is worrying me, he was hiding it in his drawer but my mom found out and told him she knew, I’m not sure if he has carried on since this but she’s at work early every morning so he has access to it straight away even if he’s not doing this now. I have no Idea what I should do, he point blank refuses to talk about it, even walking away from me when I try to bring it up. My mom thinks he can just stop and won’t seem to accept that he is an alcoholic, my youngest sister is the only one who seems to see the reality.
Maybe it’s not my job to anything but I feel helpless and feel like I’m standing by and watching him kill himself slowly.
It’s not all bad though, I have dropped to 4 shifts at work and it’s much nicer, and I’m on holiday at the moment which is great but best of all…. Tomorrow I will be reunited with my true love, I am going to see p!nk aaaaarrrrggghhhh! I’m so excited it’s unreal, it feels like I have waited forever and now it’s here! It’s our first outing together as officially disabled, so will be interesting to see how that goes, we’re also at the doctor’s for some blood results and hopefully we will find out what type of arthritis si has.
Thanks for reading 🙂

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It’s been a busy couple of weeks hence the delay for this post! Last week we visited the pain management clinic for the first time, I came out feeling very positive as the doctor we saw seemed very determined to get Si better. She wants him to have a second opinion about operating on his back and will also want him to do physio and more counselling. Si was very positive too. He is not a very positive person generally so I should have noticed that there was something wrong really. The next day we had his usual psych appointment. While we were getting ready, he broke down, he was crying his heart out. He admitted that he was terrified of having an operation, he didn’t want another steroid injection which she also said she wants to do and he was scared of getting better. This may seem odd to you but it has taken a long time for him to accept that this is how he is. Now his life is being turned upside down again. I understand his fears completely and I hate knowing he is in such turmoil, any treatments are a long way off so at least he has a while to get his head together. He was worried that I would feel like he had let me down if he didn’t do everything she wanted him to but I just want him to be happy I won’t force him into anything and  I never would, I would like him to have an easier life of course but I definitely will not make him do anything he is not comfortable with.

Update on my dad – my dad seems to be making a good recovery however his drinking habits haven’t changed so he hasn’t learnt anything. He was offered an operation but refused it, he says it was only to stop a dent forming in his cheek and he’s not bothered if that happens. He did attend his counselling and says he found it OK.

At quarter to 1 on Saturday morning, I had a phone call from my mom saying that my dad was being taken into hospital. Turns out he had fallen down the stairs, had a very big bump on his head, no memory and probably a fractured  cheek bone.
I got up straight away and went round as fast as I could, my mom was upset understandably but she’s a nurse so managed to keep quite calm. The paramedic was still with him while they waited for the ambulance.
It turned out he had been going up to bed while my mom stayed downstairs. He was carrying a bottle of wine, a bottle of whisky and a glass of wine. From the amount of wine down the wall next to the stairs we can tell he must have been at the top of the stairs when he slipped. Amazingly all of the stuff he was carrying was in one piece at the bottom of the stairs. I think this says enough about his priorities.
My mom heard thud thud thud so went out to see what had happened. He was lying at the bottom of the stairs with blood coming from the left side of his mouth where he had bit his tongue and the front right side of his head. His left cheek was damaged and he had a massive lump on the right side at the back of his head. He had also passed out. My mom managed to get him to the sofa and he passed out again. This is when she called the ambulance.
When I got there he was still very drunk, he couldn’t feel any of his injuries and kept constantly asking what had happened. The ambulance came after I had been there for about ten minutes and I followed them to the hospital. He was taken straight into a cubicle in a&e but wasn’t seen by a doctor for about three hours. He was starting to feel some pain in his cheek by then but nothing else. It was confirmed that he had fractured his cheekbone and he has to see a specialist this week to decide what to do. He will also have to see an eye specialist as they weren’t happy with the size of one of his pupils. They let him out at about 8am the next day. I had been home asleep for 1.5 hours when my mom rang to pick them up. I managed to get another 1.5 hours between dropping them off and going to work.
He still couldn’t remember anything from the night and was asking us the whole story over and over probably every 5 mins or so. He can be repetitive when he’s drunk but it was like a broken record and at times he looked really scared that he couldn’t remember, he would apologise, he would say he would give up drink, he kept trying to get us to take him home.
He has been an alcoholic for at least 2 years now probably a lot longer. He doesn’t see it like that and I’m not sure my mom does. He can’t go a day without drinking, he always prioritises buying drink over anything else, he eats next to nothing and every time I see him he is drunk. I think the thing that pushed him over the edge was when my mom lost weight. She went from a size 26 to a size 12, her whole personality changed and my dad was really scared of losing her. She wasn’t the same person he had married but they have been together since they were 14 so neither of them can imagine life without the other.
The trouble is he can’t see that the way he is behaving is pushing her further away.
He is very anti help and thinks that doctors /counsellors and anyone else along those lines are for other people, he doesn’t need them. My mom has finally managed to get him to the doctors and he is now being treated for anxiety. He is supposed to be attending counselling from next week but I don’t think he will stick at it. I can see from Simon how effective it can be but you have to be open, honest and want to help yourself. I don’t think my dad is ready for that yet but I know it could be just what he needs.
My mom also drinks daily and I don’t think this helps, if she really wants him to get better, she will have to give it up too or at least stop drinking in the house.
I hate knowing that he is killing himself with this and that there is nothing I can do about it. I know it’s not really his fault because it is an addiction but that doesn’t stop me getting angry with him. I really miss the funny, intelligent, interesting dad I used to have and I hope that one day he will be back with us.

He caused this accident himself and I seriously worry about what else we will have to go through before he tries to change. How many more early morning phone calls am I going to get? How many more days of work do I have to get through after 3 hours sleep because of him? How many more years of my life are going to be wasted worrying about him? How much longer can I carry on caring?